Quote and a Story

“The Holy Spirit will WARN you when something feels off… LISTEN TO HIM!

—Let me just say I had the warning, the internal screaming, but in the moment I couldn’t tell if it was the Holy Spirit telling me to run or myself looking for reasons to self sabotage. I chose to believe the ladder, but looking back now, that was the moment I stepped in front of God. I was no longer following the path he had for me, I was frolicking in the unknown. This cost me more pain than I could have imagined, but God used that pain to continue to mold and shape me.

—When my soon to be ex-husbanded asked me to marry him the feeling was instantly there and didn’t stop, telling me not to do it, to run the other way, to leave the relationship and not look back. It was there still on the day I said I Do. It wasn’t anything special we got married in a drive way with no people with us but the court judge me and him not how I ever dreamed of getting married. All I had to do was say I couldn’t do it but the words where choked in the back of my throat held hostage by the fear of what his reaction would be, I was more scared of how he would react then marrying him. Sounds like a great choice right. I am far far from perfect. My family didn’t even know I got married until I was struggling with divorce that I was asking for.

— (let me insert an apology here because this might be all over the place, as this is just a patching retailing, and might become seen that I am rambling, So I am sorry lol)

— Something about me is I never wanted to merry the person who wasn’t my forever person, I never wanted to talk or joke about divorce because it wasn’t an option. I have always wanted to build my family, my people, my home. And instead I chose someone who tour me down and broke everything within three months. I am more mad at myself for allowing it to happen. For allowing myself to be treated that way. The hurt and pain I feel is from that and that my heart breaks for him, that he will never find the freedom in this life that God has for him, life has hardened his heart and he said to me not that long ago, “the difference between me and you is that You promised God you would change your heart, and I did not. God knew what he was getting when I came to him.” That statement still breaks my heart for him.

—Many things went wrong but it was like a light switch flipped when we got married and it all changed in seconds. My best friend asked me one day after a phone call between the three of us, “what happened? The way you just let him say those things, the way he talks about you. What changed? What happened?”

—If you ask him, he did nothing wrong and still doesn’t, He told me once, that he couldn’t figure out if I was just full of S**** or the devil had his claws so far in my heart I didn’t know what was right or wrong anymore. He throw scripture at me when I first brought divorce up.” I still have pain I thought I was doing better but last week, due to legal reasons I had to call him and all the pain and hurt came rushing back. Our story will never be told the same from each side of the story. But I am not here to bash him, or to share all the things he said, or done

— I am here because I want to let you know that when it feels wrong, when your entire inside is yelling at you to stop, to warn you, to listen. The Holy Spirit is trying to tell you something, and as the quote said “LISTEN TO HIM!”

—I posted about the “burned toast theory” , the Holy Spirit walks with us every day, he leads us through the days listening to him. Imagine the pain I would not feel today, that I would never know if I would have swallowed down the fear and let the words escape from my lips.

—Your past is a life lesson not a life sentence, your past is your testimony on who much God has done in your life.